Greetings from the Florida Panhandle

Where are all the sea birds?  Yesterday I counted three seagulls on the beach.  Three?  What’s going on down here?  No gulls.  No pelicans.  It’s just weird.  So I climbed into a seagull’s head to figure it out.

Seagulls Ditch the Florida Panhandle

Hey, Man
Don’t you wanna get outa here?
Those wingless two-leggers
With their funny accents
Come down from
Indiana
Louisiana
Alabama
Texarkana
Floriana
With their Oreo ice cream bars
And their Cape Cod chips
So frickin’ cute
With the little frickin’ lighthouse on the bag
Their sunburned brats chase us from sun-up to sundown
Don’t you want more outa life, Man?

The pelicans get it
They got out three weeks ago
Got tired of all the Nemo jokes
Can’t blame ‘em
Don’t even mention that movie around me

Dorito bag 11 o’clock!

Anyway, Man
Think about it
I hear the Caribbean’s great in April
Guaranteed sun
Fewer Landies
Heard they put an entire pineapple in every frozen drink
Leave the cups on the beach

I’m goin’ to pack, Man
You comin’ or what?

 

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