Re: Saturday Night, An Email Parable, The End

Fwd: Saturday Night
Tyler <>
Sent: Mon 5/20/2013 9:02AM
To: All

_____Original Message_____

Re: Saturday Night
Brittany <>
Sent: Sun 5/19/2013 11:26 AM
To: Tyler Gosh


You can’t spare two minutes to reply, even to say you’re still mad?  It’s not like I haven’t apologized.  Believe me, if I could rewind and rerecord last Saturday night, I would.  I swear I’ll never touch another Buttery Nipple.

Does it make you feel better to know I’ve been messed up all week?  I haven’t slept.  I haven’t worked out.  I’m basically living on Golden Grahams.  But you obviously don’t care.  I thought you were one of the “good” guys.  I thought you were one of those sensitive, I’m-in-touch-with-my-feelings-and-yours guys.

Even if you’ve moved on (after just five weeks), I think you’re being immature.  In fact, I’d say you’re being kind of a %#$@#@.  I’m not sure I need that kind of negativity in my life.

In fact, I think we should have no further communication.  I’m deleting your contact info from my phone.  Please do the same on your end.

Best of luck to you, have a nice life, etc.


FW: Re: Saturday Night – DO NOT DELETE
Brittany <>
Sent: Wed 5/15/2013 3:47 PM
To: Tyler Gosh


Just wondering if you got the email I sent on Monday morning?  Sometimes stuff gets lost in cyberspace.  I’m forwarding it to you, just in case.  You’re probably just really busy.

See ya,


PS – FYI, my presentation went really well (if you care)

From: Brittany <>
Sent: Mon 5/13/2013 10:19 AM
To: Tyler Gosh
Subject: Saturday Night – DO NOT DELETE

Dear Ty,

I apologize for my behavior on Saturday night. It was totally unacceptable. I don’t know what got into me.

I just wasn’t prepared to see you – not that I’m making excuses for myself. But it’s only been like five weeks, right? It was just unexpectedly weird to see you. BTW, you look really good. I like the new plaid Oxford.

Obviously, I’d been drinking – not that I’m making excuses for myself. But when I saw you, I’d had like five Buttery Nipples. You know what those do to me. When I first saw you walk in with her, I thought I was totally fine. Katie even asked me if I wanted to leave, and I told her I was cool. I was just going to have one more drink and then head home, because I had brunch with the fam on Sunday, big presentation today, etc.

BTW, my presentation is in like forty minutes. Not like you have any reason to care – but it’s for my boss’ boss, so I’m kind of nervous. Plus I didn’t sleep much last night. Anyway, I wanted to send this message ASAP, so you would know how sorry I am.

My point is: I should have left the bar right when I saw you (with her). But I thought I could handle it. I just wish you hadn’t been standing so close to the bathroom – not that I’m making excuses for myself. I can’t believe I actually said that to her. Of course you don’t have gonorrhea.

Trust me, I didn’t plan to say it. It was not premeditated in any way. But suddenly I was giving you a hug and introducing myself to her – just to be mature and polite – and up to the second before I told her you have gonorrhea, I thought it was all going to be okay. What a dirty thing to say, especially to a girl you don’t know very well. I’m assuming you don’t know her very well, since it’s only been like five weeks. Anyway, I’m sure you cleared it all up.

If you want, you can have her call me. I’ll tell her the truth, I swear. You still have my cell, right? Seriously, have her call me. If you’re still reading this email, also maybe you might forgive me? BTW, I don’t have gonorrhea either. Just to be clear.

Well, I’m off to give that presentation. Picture them all naked, right? I really am sorry.




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